To the reader of my blog

If you are a passerby to my blog and wanted to have a peak, you are very well welcomed! but as such my blog is not intended to attract traffic or attention of girls. It is not a Public Relation activity that will spread the aura of me to the external world. My blog isn't about fancy English words or complex sentence structures that will educate people who aspire good scores in GMAT, CAT, GRE or for any competitive exam.. It isn't about any particular interest or topic. It can be as weird as my day dream to politics to physics to philosophy.. So as a reader, you may not be able to sequence my blog topics at different dates.. My blog is not for you! It is for me.! i am plain straightforward in saying that and may sound haughty to you. I beg your pardon for that. But my blog is a reflection of events, situations and experiences that have shaped and will shape up my inner thoughts which i want to record. This record is a souvenir for me that when i sit back and want to feel nostalgic of my past, i can refer this.

Why i started writing blogs? I write blogs for the simple reason that it makes me feel proud, define situations properly and brings me clarity of thought. When i write, i feel the intensity of the issue and feel it makes me think better. It gives me an opportunity to describe an event in my own way. Overall when i write a blog, i am myself thus discovering my soul if not fully but partially.

Delhi to Chennai by Golden Quadrilateral

I hate to write travel blogs since i feel i dont have the flare of explaining things that are better done by others. But this time i cant resist my Delhi-Chennai, 2950kms, six day drive. Though exactly not a travel blog, it can well be classified as one of my experiences of life.

When i was transferred to Bangalore/Pondycherry on my request, i was largely expecting that they are not going to allow any allowances including baggage allowance which i wanted genuinely this time. Never mind, i started planning how to dispose my few household items and carry those for which i received less money. I started preparing that i will carry those remaining baggage in my alto car. People started to scream, written me off as miser, adventurous and crazy pagal that i have planned such a trip. Not many encouraged me to continue on my idea of travelling from delhi to chennai on my own car without any co-passengers. Hearing that i am travelling by road from delhi to chennai, two of my friends interested to join me but somehow it did not work out. Neverthless i was determined that i will cover this distance by car. I started to plan well in  advance and spoke to my friends who were staying on the way that i will be coming to their houses and if required stay there. They are all excited and told me that i can visit them anytime. I gave approximate timeline of visiting them. After that i had a look at my car and wanted to convert it into a half truck carrying baggage and myself. I was convinced that it can be done without any big hurdles. I handed over one big bag to my friend to carry when he visits chennai by plane. I had done wheel alignment, washing and taken tips from the maruti service guy for long drive. He assured me that the car is safe to drive. My only apprehension was that my car should support me in this endeavor. My drive plan was simple. Gurgaon to Udaipur in day 1, Udaipur to Ahmedabad in day 2, Ahmedabad to pune in day 3, Rest at day 4,  Pune to Bangalore in day 5 and Chennnai to bangalore depending upon my work in bangalore.

Once i was relieved from my duties on 31st May, i came back home at 5 pm. I wanted to load my car well before the sunset as arrangement in dark is not recommended. I started to utilise each inch of my car. One of the biggest challenges was to accomodate my Split A/C and its connectors. Apart from this, i had to load five bags, three buckets full of kitchen utensils, two bedsheets, some files neatly put in a small bag, 3-4 two litre water bottles and 2-3 small bags. I made sure that the view through the rear view mirror is manageable. Dominic, my roommate and friend helped me in the arrangement. After arrangement i collected sweets for my friends from Bikaneirwala. I am all set for embarking on one of my journeys of life.

At 4 am, i woke up to find no water at home. I bathed with whatever water that was available and by 5 am i was ready to get behind the steering wheel. Literally i was excited as i am going against the people wishes. Neverthless those helped me plan better and manage the risks on the way. I dont want to belittle them as those advises helped immensely in my mental preparation. I lit a diya/campour infront of my car and prayed that nothing unusual should happen on the way. So here i go. I started my engine, freed my parking brakes, put on the gear, released the clutch and slowly pressed the accelerator. My journey started, keeping the well dreaded advises in my mind. When the first toll came, i forgot that i should secure all toll chits to calculate how much toll i paid on the way and hence threw the toll chit away. I took some photographs on the way and my first destination was Jaipur. It wasn't a pleasant drive as usual as Delhi-Jaipur is always a busy highway. I crossed jaipur and took a juice break. At 11 am, i started my drive towards udaipur which was still good 420 kms away. I was befriended by a guy called arindam who was relocating to pune for his business. We made a deal that we will drive together. On the way we had lunch around 3.30 pm. I was hell hungry by then. It was very very hot and my alto car a/c was awesome. Arindam seemed to be an seasoned driver. He was driving a zen and he was well ahead whenever we started together. He shared about his business and we spoke about auto sector, jamshedpur and a lot. He seemed to be a very aggressive guy, typical of anyone who comes from bihar and jharkhand area. Very affable too.. When he reached udaipur, i was 40 kms behind.  I told him that i am very tired and would like to take rest at udaipur as per my plan. But he was determined to reach mumbai in one go. He started the day from jaipur. So we bid bye to each other over phone. I reached Udaipur and was accommodated as a paying guest at Udaipur.  I told the hosts that i dont need dinner and asked them not to disturb me after that. I phoned some friends and home and hit the bed at 8 pm. I dont know what happened after that. One of my finest sleeps ever. I woke up at 6.30am next day. I checked my mails and was ready to face day 2.

I had a look around Udaipur. Honestly it is one of the best places i have visited as a tourist. The city palace was outstandingly well maintained for attraction. The lake palace hotel of Taj is one of its kind. It was a good 6-7 hours spent for sightseeing at Fatehpur Lake, Nehru Park and market place. Around 4 pm i had lunch.I left udaipur at 4.45 pm to ahmedabad. Udaipur-Ahmedabad was one of the finest driving experience. Less traffic, beautiful mountain roads in between, sun setting in the evening and a well maintained road. About 120 kms way from ahmedabad is a diversion to baroda. I thought for a while that should i go to baroda directly instead of ahmedabad. It would save me good 25kms. However i wanted to keep the promise i made to my friend that i will be visiting him. Hence i drove to ahmedabad. In ahmedabad, i was instructed wrongly by my friend which resulted in having a look at ahmedabad city. I am an admirer of Narendra Modi, not for his leadership skills but his governance skills. He has proved that growth can be possible with moderate inflation with better governance. The role of government is to facilitate the life of people to live good if not comfortably. But i was surprised to know that traffic signals were switched off at 8 pm and hence people were crossing the road haywire. I took a look at the dedicated corridor for Urban bus system. But honestly the city lacked something vivacious, the colour, any urban guy will look into. It does not house skyscraper and ofcourse big malls and the traffic sense was a bit misplaced. The road signs were visibly absent that made my drive less passionate. Hence i came to a conclusion that Gujarat can still be better governed. After 2 hours of struggle in the city for searching my friend's home, i finally reached his place at 10.30 pm. We had a chit chat and exchanged pleasentaries. I took dinner at 11pm. I gossiped with my friend and told him that i will leave early in the morning to bombay via baroda where i asked my friend to arrange breakfast. Next day i started my journey at 6.30am after bidding bye to my friend. I had a tea at a nearby stall and started my journey to Baroda. I neglected the expressway fearing exorbitant toll and hence took the normal NH highway. It was not a pleasant drive. Constricted by traffic and two way road, i reached baroda and friend's place at 10 am. I was ecstatic in seeing him as we parted recently after having spent the last two years together. I had a breakfast at his home and with a heavy heart left his home at 11.30 am. I hit the highway to Bombay. Again the drive was not good with loads of trucks on the way. Near barunch, i got into a traffic jam which extended my journey by 30 mins. After taking lunch near surat. I was racing to Bombay and suddenly a thought flashed my mind. I wanted to see my old rented house, street and the temple i used to visit when i was in Bombay. Also i was running late for pune as bombay traffic will allow me to reach pune only after 12 midnight. I had some friends at bombay and called up one of my close friend who used to work with me at vijayawada. I told him that i can stay at his house and reminisce the good old days, TATA motors and more. He asked me to come to Kharghar which is on way to pune. I told him i will reach late as i wanted to go to my old rented house and meet some friends. I went to Thane straight, visited my old apartment, temple and had kulfi which is one of the finest even today.  I left Thane at 9.30 pm and went to Kharghar. I hugged my friend as i met him after long four years. He is very close ever since our time at TATA motors. We chit chatted and it was mostly about the company. We exchanged a lot of ideas and went to sleep at 12.45 in the night. I told him that the next day drive is only till pune. I wanted to show my vehicle, the beauty of this side of the country. Ever since i stayed in mumbai, i enjoyed the freshness of the Mumbai-Pune expressway and the greenery. I loved that place. During rainy season, it is much more beautiful.

To my bad luck, it did not rain next day and it was a dry day. I drove to Lonavala and Khandala. I went to buchi dam and it was dry and was not pleasent at all. I drove to tiger hills and had a view of bombay and the valley places. It was beautiful. I thought to myself that i miss my old days at bombay. i drove down to Amby Valley and took a look from outside as i needed a pass to enter inside. I understood how much name, fame, money and power is worth off though all these things are fragile and can vanish like a mist disappearing when the sun rises. I took a deep breadth and said to myself that I am naked always. No one is superior and virtually needed to take case by case to come to decisions. There 's no one solution that fits everything. There is no point of arguments. We come to a decision based on our understanding of our situation. See, how i veered from my blog topic. I was all along philosopical throughout the journey. I wanted to find the purpose of my life and my understanding of why i live here.

After taking chikki at lonavala, i took a drive along Bombay-Pune Expressway. I showed my car that how India has so good roads. It was a dream drive and i reached pune at 6 pm. I reached my friend's place at 7 pm. After having dinner and checking out his newly constructed apartment, i went to sleep. I realised the place has water problem. I got interesting insights that how politicians control the basic necessities of life like water and transportation in Pune. Next day i left for bangalore at 6.30 am. I took the Satara NH and drove to Kolhapur. What a drive it was. I would rank this drive as the finest in the entire stretch. I never knew that this part of the country is so scenic and beautiful. I saw Dharwad and Hubli on the way. It  rained along the way and it was godly. I reached Hubli at 2 pm and felt gastronomic and hence explored Kamat on the Highway. Ate Idli and vada. I then took the highway and hit bangalore at 9 pm. I drove good 850 odd kms. I checked in at the guesthouse and had a good sleep.

Next day i finished off the work at Bangalore and headed for chennai. My trip to bangalore was curtailed as the company did not seem to waste Guest House on me. The indifferent nature of the HR and admin people made me wonder that how human touch eluded from their mind. Its a different experience. I felt i was not treated properly and not looked at as an asset. Anyways that is a different story. So after finishing off with my work, i hit for Chennai road at 6 pm. I took a wrong road and reached Chitoor. A strech of 80kms is patchy. I reached chennai at 2 am and hit the sack. I patted myself that i have completed the drive of my life.

Well, the entire journey is an experience i would like to cherish all my life. Moreover the journey has taught me so much philosophically. All throughout the journey i was thinking what i will be doing in my life. The question of SURVIVAL does not seem to bother me anymore. Simply I am rejuvenated after this journey to take the upcoming challenges.

Rewinding the past two years

What can be the more ideal time for me to feel nostalgic about the last two years at POWERGRID than now when my transfer to SR-II will be effected in a few days. My aspiration to join a top consulting company was slowly fading when I graduated out from an IIM and I was all prepared to take up a job in a conventional electric utility convincing myself that I will connect this dot too in my life. My friends screamed at me that I am going to be a “Sarkari Officer”. I mentally pictured a PSU job where hierarchies mattered and files spread from your office cabin to the toilet space.

Hence when I took a late Sunday evening flight from Chennai I was not expecting anything big. I reached Delhi well past midnight. I took a prepaid taxi and was racing to Sector-46 EDC when I had the first glimpse of POWERGRID office. Not exactly a skyscraper but good enough to seek attention with a bold “POWERGRID” nameplate at the top and its logo of tower/hands folded in ‘namaste’ style with one of ‘electricity’ symbol on it. I reached the field hostel at 2 AM and woke up the guard there. He was a little slow in amusing me and I neatly blamed it on the sarkari culture. The person in-charge of the hostel politely told me that I am well past the time that I can be accommodated in EDC. So I was put up in the field hostel for a night and shifted to EDC the next morning. Next day I reached office with a help of lift in a car by an employee working in CP who gave me some interesting insights about POWERGRID. After reaching the office, I started mixing up with other recruits from IIM. Like a conventional ‘girl talk’ or a ‘boy talk’ we engaged in the ‘IIM talk’ which is briefly about placements that year, companies visited, year cut offs, highest salary offered and blah blah. I was asked to fill up a heap of forms but hands started to pain within a few forms as writing has become such a painful activity after 2 years at IIM when you largely use your laptop service from writing an application to examination. Soon after I was sent to the hospital for a Medical check up and was told not to report to office after it. I was so relieved that it was like a professor in an IIM asks you not to come to class if you don’t wish but attendance will be marked for you. The relief was replaced with fear in the hospital when the doctor asked me to collect my own urine and stool samples for laboratory testing. I passed those strenuous tests to get my final appointment letter on 21^st April, 2010.

Next few days were spent going through the presentation of different departments and getting exposure to Power Sector. I had previous experience working in private sector and hence I resisted the comparison with it in every aspect. I was largely impressed with the loyalty of employees in POWERGRID, their simplicity and dedication at work that was wholly missing in my last company. Moreover when I saw the top management expecting the IIM recruits to do something different and take initiatives to promote company growth, I felt the onus of creating value to the company. Some were skeptical about my intent to join a PSU and I dodged those questions with an answer that convinced me to join POWERGRID. Well, truly it was not the lack of opportunities for me in the marketplace or a bad economy as they perceived. At the end of the induction, we presented our ideas in bettering the departments which we will be working upon after the completion of induction. Overall, the orientation days gave me an impression that I am going to work with a nimble PSU unlike what I have originally imagined.

After induction, I and one of my friends were asked to report to International Business department for which we were recruited. I had previous experience in sales and marketing and was largely expecting what kind of job I will be doing. I started to replicate some of my past learning in International Business. I was fortunate this time not to work with tough bosses unlike my past. I felt, my co-workers were largely needed a direction to take the International Business forward as it was only spun off in December 2008.  We wanted to quietly make our entry in a clamorous world. Next few months I spent my spare time with the department head in strategizing which geographies and services to focus to reap revenues. It is enjoyable when people listen to your ideas and make you a party to it. I was modeling my thoughts in the direction that businesses must be run on systems and processes that are focused towards customer service and delivery rather than person dependent and constricted by slow decision making and poor customer response. The focus was brought more to the consultancy business where our capabilities lied. My tryst with International Business will end soon but I relished every moment and the challenges of it. Moreover it’s a great satisfaction that I worked on those challenges and tried devising long term sustainable solutions.

So here I am, back to my unlearning stage where I can unwind but derive some memories out of it and mentally prepare myself for a fresh challenge. 

The pain of death

Why people fear to die? So what is the pain of death? how will it be? infact what is pain? Dictionary meaning says it is physical suffering or distress, as due to injury, illness etc.. The other day i was discussing 'death' with my friend asking him why at all people fear death when everyone knows that it is inevitable and an uninvited guest. He tried enlightening me by quoting  Mahabharata that the question i asked was one of five ambiguous questions that the world faces. The other day i saw my father dying of heart attack and what would have been his pain of death. He wanted to live and remain immortal though he is sure that he will die someday. But the day was not known and he was somehow prepared for it. The true pain of death for him is leaving his family and children with a little bit of wealth he accumulated during his life on earth. I hear heart attack is the sudden blockage of blood to heart and the heart stops pumping. So its a pinch, a pinch good enough to stop your breath. So the physical pain was not there. Yet he would have feared death for the sheer pain of leaving this world. But i am not sure. But one thing we all agreed that he had one of the smoothest exists and we are happy for that.

Again for a soldier who is fighting a battle, whats the pain of death. He is sure that death may come anytime but he is unaware about when he is going to experience death. Well, he is only motivated and encouraged by the sacrifice he does for the people he serves. The physical pain is there but he is strong enough to conquer it as his sacrifice bears that pain. He knows that he will leave his family and the nation will take care of them. So why he may fear death and what would have been his pain of death. It could be the sheer knowledge that he as a entity will no longer exist. But i am not sure. 

I have seen old age people somehow wanted to stick to their life rather than die. In this endeavor they become burdensome and hence becomes second child in their life not knowing when they are peeing and shitting sitting there. Well why they fear death and what is the pain of death for them. I am not sure.

Yet some profound people calling upon god soon after they reach 60 asking him for a smooth exit from this world and get submergence with him. The pain could be to reach God, may be. I am not sure why they fear and what is their pain of death. 

So do i fear death and his pain.. I am not sure.. if somebody asks me to die today, will i be ready to die. I dont know. i fear that dying of me will create immense sorrow to my family and friends. But the sorrow will diminish over time and memories stay with them. i fear what will happen to my mother after i die. She has not experienced the world at all in her lifetime. she has become fragile in front of my eyes after my father's death. I fear that i will leave her alone in this world and i would compel her to rue about her remaining days of life. Is it causing me the pain of death. I don't know,. may be i have to think a lot about fear of death and its pain to get convincing answers.