Rewinding the past two years

What can be the more ideal time for me to feel nostalgic about the last two years at POWERGRID than now when my transfer to SR-II will be effected in a few days. My aspiration to join a top consulting company was slowly fading when I graduated out from an IIM and I was all prepared to take up a job in a conventional electric utility convincing myself that I will connect this dot too in my life. My friends screamed at me that I am going to be a “Sarkari Officer”. I mentally pictured a PSU job where hierarchies mattered and files spread from your office cabin to the toilet space.

Hence when I took a late Sunday evening flight from Chennai I was not expecting anything big. I reached Delhi well past midnight. I took a prepaid taxi and was racing to Sector-46 EDC when I had the first glimpse of POWERGRID office. Not exactly a skyscraper but good enough to seek attention with a bold “POWERGRID” nameplate at the top and its logo of tower/hands folded in ‘namaste’ style with one of ‘electricity’ symbol on it. I reached the field hostel at 2 AM and woke up the guard there. He was a little slow in amusing me and I neatly blamed it on the sarkari culture. The person in-charge of the hostel politely told me that I am well past the time that I can be accommodated in EDC. So I was put up in the field hostel for a night and shifted to EDC the next morning. Next day I reached office with a help of lift in a car by an employee working in CP who gave me some interesting insights about POWERGRID. After reaching the office, I started mixing up with other recruits from IIM. Like a conventional ‘girl talk’ or a ‘boy talk’ we engaged in the ‘IIM talk’ which is briefly about placements that year, companies visited, year cut offs, highest salary offered and blah blah. I was asked to fill up a heap of forms but hands started to pain within a few forms as writing has become such a painful activity after 2 years at IIM when you largely use your laptop service from writing an application to examination. Soon after I was sent to the hospital for a Medical check up and was told not to report to office after it. I was so relieved that it was like a professor in an IIM asks you not to come to class if you don’t wish but attendance will be marked for you. The relief was replaced with fear in the hospital when the doctor asked me to collect my own urine and stool samples for laboratory testing. I passed those strenuous tests to get my final appointment letter on 21^st April, 2010.

Next few days were spent going through the presentation of different departments and getting exposure to Power Sector. I had previous experience working in private sector and hence I resisted the comparison with it in every aspect. I was largely impressed with the loyalty of employees in POWERGRID, their simplicity and dedication at work that was wholly missing in my last company. Moreover when I saw the top management expecting the IIM recruits to do something different and take initiatives to promote company growth, I felt the onus of creating value to the company. Some were skeptical about my intent to join a PSU and I dodged those questions with an answer that convinced me to join POWERGRID. Well, truly it was not the lack of opportunities for me in the marketplace or a bad economy as they perceived. At the end of the induction, we presented our ideas in bettering the departments which we will be working upon after the completion of induction. Overall, the orientation days gave me an impression that I am going to work with a nimble PSU unlike what I have originally imagined.

After induction, I and one of my friends were asked to report to International Business department for which we were recruited. I had previous experience in sales and marketing and was largely expecting what kind of job I will be doing. I started to replicate some of my past learning in International Business. I was fortunate this time not to work with tough bosses unlike my past. I felt, my co-workers were largely needed a direction to take the International Business forward as it was only spun off in December 2008.  We wanted to quietly make our entry in a clamorous world. Next few months I spent my spare time with the department head in strategizing which geographies and services to focus to reap revenues. It is enjoyable when people listen to your ideas and make you a party to it. I was modeling my thoughts in the direction that businesses must be run on systems and processes that are focused towards customer service and delivery rather than person dependent and constricted by slow decision making and poor customer response. The focus was brought more to the consultancy business where our capabilities lied. My tryst with International Business will end soon but I relished every moment and the challenges of it. Moreover it’s a great satisfaction that I worked on those challenges and tried devising long term sustainable solutions.

So here I am, back to my unlearning stage where I can unwind but derive some memories out of it and mentally prepare myself for a fresh challenge. 

The pain of death

Why people fear to die? So what is the pain of death? how will it be? infact what is pain? Dictionary meaning says it is physical suffering or distress, as due to injury, illness etc.. The other day i was discussing 'death' with my friend asking him why at all people fear death when everyone knows that it is inevitable and an uninvited guest. He tried enlightening me by quoting  Mahabharata that the question i asked was one of five ambiguous questions that the world faces. The other day i saw my father dying of heart attack and what would have been his pain of death. He wanted to live and remain immortal though he is sure that he will die someday. But the day was not known and he was somehow prepared for it. The true pain of death for him is leaving his family and children with a little bit of wealth he accumulated during his life on earth. I hear heart attack is the sudden blockage of blood to heart and the heart stops pumping. So its a pinch, a pinch good enough to stop your breath. So the physical pain was not there. Yet he would have feared death for the sheer pain of leaving this world. But i am not sure. But one thing we all agreed that he had one of the smoothest exists and we are happy for that.

Again for a soldier who is fighting a battle, whats the pain of death. He is sure that death may come anytime but he is unaware about when he is going to experience death. Well, he is only motivated and encouraged by the sacrifice he does for the people he serves. The physical pain is there but he is strong enough to conquer it as his sacrifice bears that pain. He knows that he will leave his family and the nation will take care of them. So why he may fear death and what would have been his pain of death. It could be the sheer knowledge that he as a entity will no longer exist. But i am not sure. 

I have seen old age people somehow wanted to stick to their life rather than die. In this endeavor they become burdensome and hence becomes second child in their life not knowing when they are peeing and shitting sitting there. Well why they fear death and what is the pain of death for them. I am not sure.

Yet some profound people calling upon god soon after they reach 60 asking him for a smooth exit from this world and get submergence with him. The pain could be to reach God, may be. I am not sure why they fear and what is their pain of death. 

So do i fear death and his pain.. I am not sure.. if somebody asks me to die today, will i be ready to die. I dont know. i fear that dying of me will create immense sorrow to my family and friends. But the sorrow will diminish over time and memories stay with them. i fear what will happen to my mother after i die. She has not experienced the world at all in her lifetime. she has become fragile in front of my eyes after my father's death. I fear that i will leave her alone in this world and i would compel her to rue about her remaining days of life. Is it causing me the pain of death. I don't know,. may be i have to think a lot about fear of death and its pain to get convincing answers.