I was not like this a decade back. As a fresh passout from college, I was having loads of assumptions about knowledge, people and external world. Prima facie, knowledge was not defined by me at that time. I believed external world will be tougher than the college life i was living. College life was not tough and it was very comforting. Engineering has taught me some good and bad things. My assumptions were failing in each of these when i started my actual journey in a job. How judgements were affecting my life. How obtrusive theories i formed during my life were affecting my mental peace. i was made to think; there are good and bad people around us. Frankly i was confused that who are good and who are bad. The dagger called life was piercing my own theories and made it to bust like a needle prick on a balloon.
I am from a very modest and humble background. My father struggled to raise us. Not because he was the sole bread winner but because he started his life at zero wealth. He was motherless at his early stage. He was an angry man with mixed life principles. I spent considerable time with him. My initial thoughts were shaped by his demeanor. I have no regrets that i learnt good and bad things from him. A pertinent question to ask now. I am flummoxed by this good and bad thing question. What is good and bad? I have been ruminating on this for the last couple of years. I have not found a convincing answer. All my education failed to impress me in understanding that. That is a different story. As of now i wanted to keep it simple. Good means a positive vibration and a socially acceptable order that brings in ready balance of the universe. My strong tamil linguistic education has taught me to understand good and bad by way of assimilating tamil literature at a very tender age. To my sense good and bad is a moral question. One cannot take a judgement about this. It requires a complete investigation of facts and information which mostly we dont have access to. There is no definite answers that has satisfied my mind about good and bad so far. So i have decided to take good and bad as those things that appeals my consciousness. This change of paradigm is one of the multiple reasons why there is a sea change in my behavioral traits.
I was yearning for more and i thought i had to struggle a lot in life in contrast to my comfortable life at college. I always believed that the external world operates in absolute fair and transparency mechanism. Elders are highly knowledgeable and operates with inexplicable integrity and morality. Atleast those who climbed to obtain laurels were hardworking and have no egotism and lives a life of dignity and honour. That is what we were lectured to in our school and colleges. I was an obedient student and completely believed marks i earned in an exam was a true reflection of my potential. It was true to an extent too. I always believed that poor people are poor because they were wretched because of lack of education and education alone will lift them out of poverty. There were few mischiefs in my college who always acted selfish and did things with them being the cynosure. I always thought that these people learn their lessons in a hard way and will come to terms during the course of life. I also saw a good number of people speaking fluent engligh and lightening thinking are many times selfish on their own ways. I was jealous at them. They could roam with best girls in the college while i was struggling to speak a line in english. I was a male chauvinist anyway and my priority is not to cheat anyone who trusted me. Somehow i was not comfortable of entertaining a girl at the cost of someone's friendship. I also saw a few girls taking advantage of the flirting boys interms of deriving pleasure of all sorts. But there were obedient girls too. I belong to a conservative society and those times i comfortably ignored why these girls are taking advantage of boys or vice versa. I am a fan of Rajinikant, a south superstar who purported an axiom that a Macho man should not run behind a girl or money and they should come to him on its own. But to my dismay none came till now and i am not married yet. I sincerely wait for that moment. I was not good in English at the time of my college joining. My father was against a fancy life and luxury. He ridiculed rich people for morally wrong. I have completely believed in that theory that those who are rich and well to do are selfish and does every wrong thing to inherit wealth. The feeling was so deep that i started to dislike the concept of wealth accumulation. I was directionless and thats why i was studying and what is the whole and sole purpose of life. My choices were driven by parental pressure, sibling rivalry and jealousy of seeing wealth among educated people. i sincerely believed that a good engineering degree will earn me a job and hence loads of money.
The other assumption that went wrong was when i thought that in order to network with people, you must be seeing, interacting and stay in touch with them often. But the last decade has taught me that network is primarily decent stayin touch and fulfilling each other's demand that arises out of relationship. it is hard to network without motive which is against one of the tenets of mahabharatha.
My assumptions are ever falling. I started to wonder whether it is worth taking assumptions for? i have not got a convincing answer yet.
I am from a very modest and humble background. My father struggled to raise us. Not because he was the sole bread winner but because he started his life at zero wealth. He was motherless at his early stage. He was an angry man with mixed life principles. I spent considerable time with him. My initial thoughts were shaped by his demeanor. I have no regrets that i learnt good and bad things from him. A pertinent question to ask now. I am flummoxed by this good and bad thing question. What is good and bad? I have been ruminating on this for the last couple of years. I have not found a convincing answer. All my education failed to impress me in understanding that. That is a different story. As of now i wanted to keep it simple. Good means a positive vibration and a socially acceptable order that brings in ready balance of the universe. My strong tamil linguistic education has taught me to understand good and bad by way of assimilating tamil literature at a very tender age. To my sense good and bad is a moral question. One cannot take a judgement about this. It requires a complete investigation of facts and information which mostly we dont have access to. There is no definite answers that has satisfied my mind about good and bad so far. So i have decided to take good and bad as those things that appeals my consciousness. This change of paradigm is one of the multiple reasons why there is a sea change in my behavioral traits.
I was yearning for more and i thought i had to struggle a lot in life in contrast to my comfortable life at college. I always believed that the external world operates in absolute fair and transparency mechanism. Elders are highly knowledgeable and operates with inexplicable integrity and morality. Atleast those who climbed to obtain laurels were hardworking and have no egotism and lives a life of dignity and honour. That is what we were lectured to in our school and colleges. I was an obedient student and completely believed marks i earned in an exam was a true reflection of my potential. It was true to an extent too. I always believed that poor people are poor because they were wretched because of lack of education and education alone will lift them out of poverty. There were few mischiefs in my college who always acted selfish and did things with them being the cynosure. I always thought that these people learn their lessons in a hard way and will come to terms during the course of life. I also saw a good number of people speaking fluent engligh and lightening thinking are many times selfish on their own ways. I was jealous at them. They could roam with best girls in the college while i was struggling to speak a line in english. I was a male chauvinist anyway and my priority is not to cheat anyone who trusted me. Somehow i was not comfortable of entertaining a girl at the cost of someone's friendship. I also saw a few girls taking advantage of the flirting boys interms of deriving pleasure of all sorts. But there were obedient girls too. I belong to a conservative society and those times i comfortably ignored why these girls are taking advantage of boys or vice versa. I am a fan of Rajinikant, a south superstar who purported an axiom that a Macho man should not run behind a girl or money and they should come to him on its own. But to my dismay none came till now and i am not married yet. I sincerely wait for that moment. I was not good in English at the time of my college joining. My father was against a fancy life and luxury. He ridiculed rich people for morally wrong. I have completely believed in that theory that those who are rich and well to do are selfish and does every wrong thing to inherit wealth. The feeling was so deep that i started to dislike the concept of wealth accumulation. I was directionless and thats why i was studying and what is the whole and sole purpose of life. My choices were driven by parental pressure, sibling rivalry and jealousy of seeing wealth among educated people. i sincerely believed that a good engineering degree will earn me a job and hence loads of money.
The other assumption that went wrong was when i thought that in order to network with people, you must be seeing, interacting and stay in touch with them often. But the last decade has taught me that network is primarily decent stayin touch and fulfilling each other's demand that arises out of relationship. it is hard to network without motive which is against one of the tenets of mahabharatha.
My assumptions are ever falling. I started to wonder whether it is worth taking assumptions for? i have not got a convincing answer yet.
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